Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen.
The pharmacist goes up to his assistant and asks: "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?"
Assistant replies: "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help."
Pharmacist says: "He seems to be fine now."
Assistant replies: "Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market. Now he won't dare cough!"
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy: "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight", the boy replied.
The man continued: "Do you know how these are used?"
The boy replied: "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for my brother, he's four. We saw on TV that if you used these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one."
This fellow comes into a pharmacy and asks for a vial of Cyanide.
The pharmacist, trying to keep a professional posture, asked what he wanted it for.
He answered: "I want to kill my wife."
"I am sorry Sir," the pharmacist asked, "do you have a prescription for Cyanide."
The guy answered: "I don't have a prescription, but I have a picture of my wife. Look at!"
"Oh, I see! You will get it!"
There was the woman who approached the local pharmacist and asked for cyanide.
"What on earth would you want to do with cyanide?" he asked.
"I want to poison my husband" she said coolly.
Of course the pharmacist was quite upset about this and made it quite clear to her that he was not going to be part of such a plot, and that he had no intention of selling any poison to her for that purpose.
The woman then took a photograph out of her bag. It showed the pharmacist's wife in bed with the woman's husband.
"Now that changes the situation," the pharmacist said. "You did not tell me that you had a prescription."
A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend.
A couple of days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says that the cruise has been canceled, but she can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy agrees and goes to the pharmacy to buy three Dramamine and three condoms.
The next day, the agent calls back and says that she now can book a five-day cruise. The guy says he'll take it. He returns to the same pharmacy and buys two more Dramamine and two more condoms.
The following day, the travel agent calls again and says that she can now book an eight-day cruise. The guy agrees and goes back to the pharmacy to ask for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.
Finally, the pharmacist says, "Look, if it makes you sick, how come you keep doing it?"
A miracle drug is one that is now the same price as it was last year.
Upon arriving home, a husband is met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explains, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone!"
Angry, the husband drives down to the drug store to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he says a word, though, the pharmacist tells him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both my house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up.
"I opened the store and started waiting on these people, and all the time the damn phone was ringing off the hook. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing. When I stood up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with bunch of perfume bottles on it...all of them hit the floor and broke.
"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing and will not let up, and I finally got to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer...and believe me, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her."
A pharmacist looks out the front of the store and sees a woman holding a bottle jumping up and down in the parking lot.
The pharmacist walks out to the parking lot and asks the woman whats the matter.
She replies " I saw it said 'Shake Well' after I took it".
Customer gets a topical cream. Direction: apply locally two times a day.
Customer says to the pharmacist: "I can't apply locally, I'm going overseas."
How pharmacists do it...
Pharmacists do it with drugs.
Pharmacists do it by prescription.
Pharmacists do it with side effects.
Pharmacists do it over the counter.
Pharmacists do it with scruples.
Pharmacists do it with a grinding motion.